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I went out with a girlfriend in Montclair, NJ, to a fun place called Just Jakes. It was a little deceiving, sure, but I thought telling the guys I was a single mom would influence their answers—and I wanted raw thoughts.It was lovely being out sans Jack, having a cold beer at the bar, surrounded by other adults enjoying drinks, conversation, and music. I videotaped their answers, transcribed what they said, and here’s what I got: “It’s not the ideal situation for me. My single-mom body is a wreck and I haven’t been on a date in 15 years! I am also far less critical of other people, including men. 3) You’ve faced the reason-defying triumphs that are required of single motherhood. I’ve spent the past three years dating as a single mom – including a year-long relationship—and let me tell you something: there is no better time than to date than as a single mom. When I was dating in my twenties, I was looking for a husband with a healthy set of testicles with which to sire children. The pressure is off as a single mom.…and that makes you a delight to be around. So many disappointments, self-blame, and broken hearts. Since becoming a single mother I have found that I am so much less judgmental of myself. 1) you became a parent, which will blow your mind, heart and life in incredible ways, and 2) you’ve found yourself single after a serious longterm relationship.
While I’ve since married a great guy, I’m watching many now-divorced parents navigate blossoming relationships.My friend dated a single mom and she was always breaking plans because of childcare issues, or suggesting he just come over and watch a movie. Maybe she’s like my friend and had a baby after just dating someone. I dated a single mom who had a lot of issues with her ex and I found that I got sucked into a lot of drama.I’m young and I want to have fun, out in the world, not be tied down to someone’s living room while her kid sleeps in the bedroom. I admire my friend for being a stand-up guy and taking care of his son, so my opinion of a woman doing the same … Also, her ex had issues with me being around his daughter because he was threatened by the relationship that was forming.“This is one of those cases where less is more,” she says.“Provide basic information to a child, depending on age and developmental stage.” And remember: They’re your kids, not your friends.